Sexy is as Sexy Does

I have a wonderful job which I love very much, that’s a statement I make with great passion, advising and helping people who come to me with a multitude of various imperfections insecurities, flaws or whatever else you want to call them.

At times it can be a complicated task in itself, as the issues I am presented with go beyond just a conventional ‘Skin Deep’ remedy.

There is common thread that runs through many of the women I talk to, which goes something like this;

  • I just want to be sexier for my partner,
  • I think by having this treatment/surgery, it will make me look a lot sexier,
  • I think that men find (bigger lips/breasts/smaller button noses/rounder fuller buttocks/slimmer waists/smoother skin) sexier

It’s a word I hear often …..’Sexy’

BUT

It’s not something I can say wholeheartedly that I ‘See’ often…

For some women the notion of sexiness is ‘a visual characteristic’ such as the ample full enticing lips of Angelina Jolie, the blinding white smile of Heidi Klum, the perfect figure of Jessica Alba….etc, how many women have often secretly sighed within themselves and thought ‘I wish I could look as half as good as her’?

Sexiness is an interesting subject indeed, in various studies and research I have undertaken; women always associate the notion of ‘sexiness’ directly to the way they look….

Personally I think it’s all about the way you feel, more than the way you look.

As a result, I am working hard at trying to make my private clients and general readers open up to the fact that before you embark on a physical change to your appearance (believing it will better your life) you could:

Change the way you see yourself FIRST in your mind, (then go ahead and do the rest)

I believe any investment you make on your appearance is one of the best investments you can make in your life, afterall you have to live with your body for an entire life; (godwilling)

BUT I believe the best investment is this…

Strengthen your mind, your personality, your confidence, those are things you cannot put under the scalpel of a surgeon to alter to perfection, that’s something only YOU can work on, get that right, and you’ve got the key to it all…

The following words you are about to read sum up everything I am trying to say, but I am a woman….

These pearls of wisdom are the words of a man, a clever witty male writer yes, but a man none the less …. and they are after all experts in what makes a woman attractive.

What makes a woman really sexy? (A male perspective)

Several years ago, I stood in a local dance club on a busy ladies night, and watched an amazing thing. A very pretty and animated blond woman was “holding court,” surrounded by quite a posse of attentive suits and ties.

She laughed easily, flirted admirably, and graciously gave everyone a spin on the dance floor.

She was obviously enjoying herself immensely as were the moths dancing around her flame.

Where does the “amazing” part come in? Well, our blonde belle of the ball also happened to be about 40 lbs. overweight.

Did it bother her little entourage? Apparently not. And don’t start with the, “You know how guys get after too many beers; their standards go into the toilet; ‘female and breathing’ will do; blah, blah, blah…”

For the record, it wasn’t that late, and it was a school night, so the drinking wasn’t that methodical. And there were plenty of other good-looking women in the club getting a lot less attention, including her friend, who was much more attractive at first glance and much less on second. What was going on? Was the Braille convention in town? Overeaters Anonymous?

What’s Her Secret?

No, these guys were all good-looking yuppie types with their major senses intact. It was her, of course.

She carried herself – and her extra weight, I might add – with a supremely confident air. She couldn’t have cared less what anyone thought. If you liked the way she looked, great. If you didn’t, so what?

An attitude like that gets a man’s attention, and causes men who wouldn’t typically find someone like her attractive, suddenly and surprisingly – even to themselves – doing just that. The story provides one answer to the question: What makes a woman attractive…to men? I have to add that last qualification, because when I look at someone like Kate Moss, I gotta wonder.

Who’s doing the judging around here? It has to be other women. Do any men really find her attractive? None I know. Skinny, no curves, vapid expression. Hey, can’t say it sets my loins ablaze…

What Guys Really Want

A past issue of New Woman magazine had an article about what men find sexy in women, and their surprising revelations were reflected in the piece’s title, “Too Good To Be True.”

Turns out, at least according to the guys in their survey, men like confidence, depth, intelligence, and straightforwardness more than perfect bodies, large breasts, baby soft skin, and gorgeous hair. Don’t agonize over losing that last 10 pounds.

Chances are, we really don’t care about it. One guy loved the “cute” saddlebags on a woman’s thighs. Really. You think that’s strange, don’t you? Wonderful, but strange. I don’t.

I find a distinctive nose on a woman very sexy. A noble Roman nose, provided it doesn’t block out the sun, will set you apart. One gentleman was shocked to discover that a woman friend of his spent $10,000 to change her wonderfully aquiline nose into one of those “little button jobs.”

Now, she looked like everyone else. Why on earth would she do that? Whose version of beauty is she buying into?

Becoming Sexy

Develop your own individual style, because by doing that, you’re saying, “I like who I am,” and that’s very sexy.

I wish you could see the world as men do. I know, a scary thought, but it would probably be a very different picture than the one you’ve got. The bottom line is this: how a woman looks is less important than what she thinks about how she looks. And believe me: many, many men would agree. I’m not just delivering a pep talk that I don’t buy myself. And no, it’s not the male version of the women’s old line about how “it’s not the size; it’s what you do with it.” This one’s true.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that most men love going out with overweight,unattractive women who like themselves. Not so, and you wouldn’t believe me anyway.

No matter how confident a 300 lb. woman is, her dance card is still going to be pretty empty. My point is simply is that too many women spend a lot of time wishing they were something that,

1. they’ll never be, and

2. may not be what men want anyway.

I know, you’re doing it for yourself, not for men. Yeah, OK. Whatever.

A Bit More About Guys…

And don’t believe everything you see. Guys are funny. Just because we’re swooning over a real hotties it doesn’t mean she’s the type we’re realistically looking for.

It’s been wisely said that the type of woman men like to be seen with is often dramatically different than the type they marry.

We love talking to beautiful women, are awed by them, and we want to believe they have everything we’re looking for. But too often, this kind of woman doesn’t have the staying power.

Really stunning women are often pretty one-dimensional. They’ve bought their own press and because they rarely have to do anything but just be in order to attract attention, they make little effort to develop any other side of themselves.

Buy into the conventional image of beauty and you fall into the trap of deciding what men really want. You’re liable to be wrong, and more importantly, if the picture you’ve come up with is a far cry from your reality, you’ll be walking around feeling “less than.” And trust me, it’ll show.







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