Over the festive period I met up with some of my girlfriends for a glass of celebratory champagne, over the course of 4 hours we celebrated the highs and lows of our year that had passed, most of us whinged about the never ending stresses and strains of juggling kids, families, partners, work and waist size, but the announcement made by one friend that afternoon (Kara for the purposes of anonymity) was how 2015 was going to be the year that she would ‘freeze her eggs’, needless to say it wasn’t your average ‘get together’ declaration.
Kara is 38, a legal city ‘high flyer’ she jet sets around the world to exotic places for ‘breakfast meetings’ she only wears Prada shoes and in all the 7 years I have known her I have never known her to have a bad hair, clothes or make-up day, (who says money can’t buy flawlessness?)
Kara seemed really proud of her decision, like it was a milestone for her to do that, the enthusiasm glistened in her excited eyes, but something inside felt a little sad, maybe it was the champagne touching those delicate motherly nerves within me reminding me how lucky I was to be a mother of 2, I am not sure what stirred within me but one thing was for sure, Kara, didn’t seem sad at all. It was a very business like decision, the way she chirped it out non chalantly was as if she had just joined a new gym, and “get this, she added enthusiastically “my firm is paying for it!”
I started to question myself, was I a touch ‘old-fashioned?’ why did I wince at the statement that Kara had just made so very public proudly?
I probed at this thought, and set about researching the subject in a little more depth. It seems it isn’t news at all, in fact ‘freezing your eggs’ is firmly a sign of the female times, so I snapped out of the shocked state and raised a glass to her at arriving at such a sensible decision, (always say “cheers”, if in doubt and smile, right?)
I read with interest about Apple and Facebook’s (http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/oct/15/apple-facebook-offer-freeze-eggs-female-employees) offer to freeze eggs for female employees in the US in an effort to attract more women onto their staff. It’s a big statement from both companies, who currently have 70% and 69% male workforce respectively, and it is clear that there is a significant gender imbalance that needs to be rectified by some means or other. It’s good news that these enormous, global companies are extending benefits for women and being more mindful of women’s needs, but I’m not convinced that this is the best way to go about bettering women’s working lives.
From a personal perspective, it is very difficult for women to juggle the demands of a career, a family and all that that entails, and everything that life throws at us. As someone who wrote a thesis as the final part of my degree entitled “Breaking the glass ceiling”, I was always aware, I think, that as a woman the concept of ‘having it all’ is sadly, a myth. From experience I know that, invariably, something, somewhere, always has to give. No matter what age you are or what stage in life you are in, the pressures of juggling life’s demands are ever present, and whilst men do not, of course, escape life’s pressures, it does seem that the lion’s share of the organizing of children, the home and all the associated practicalities, falls to the female of the household. There is often simmering resentment that a man often gets to saunter off to work, impeccably dressed in his suit, when the female of the household is frazzled running around sorting breakfast and school bags and all the rest of it. Her morning routine is frequently more chaotic than a man’s, and by the time she arrives at work she has often had a much more fractious morning than her male counterpart. Even whilst at work, she is still not free to fully focus on her work, she is frequently distracted by thoughts of what to cook for the kids tea and what football, dance, tennis or whatever class they have to deposit the children at tonight. Life as a mother and a career woman is certainly never easy. Don’t I know it.
So whilst paying to freeze employees’ eggs seems, on the surface, to be an altruistic gesture, I doubt that encouraging women to delay motherhood is in their best interests. Children are my greatest blessing and accomplishment in life, but trying to balance motherhood and my career has not been without enormous sacrifices, including frequently working until 3 or 4 am and juggling demands until the point of exhaustion.
When Emma Watson gave her speech as the UN Goodwill Ambassador a few months ago, it made me sad to think that things may not be better in the future for my 9-year-old daughter. I am hopeful that things will change and women will have a much better deal by the time she is an adult, but I fear this will not be the case.
So rather than companies like Apple offering to freeze employees’ eggs, it would surely be better if they focused on helping women to balance their home and work demands, for example with more flexibility such as offering better shifts, helping with childcare costs or even offering home working if practicable. It could be construed that Apple and Facebook are pressurising their female staff into putting career before family, and this is something I find depressing. Rather than empowering women, this seems to be making an already bad situation worse. So come on Apple and Facebook, you can do better than that.